But I am liking this more settled me--a little more confident, a little more at peace.
I'm sure like most twenty-somethings, I spent a good deal of time figuring out who I was and what I wanted from life--establishing identity for myself, figuring out the parameters of what makes me who I am, answering the big questions... Somehow despite spending what felt like more than 150% of my day at work, I still feel like I've been able to keep "what I do" and "who I am" separate. I am who I am, not what I do. And I feel good about that.
These days, I feel a little more confident: to speak my mind, to be frank and direct, to ask for what I need or to go for it; to take risks and step out a little bit from my comfort zone; to clear off my emotional plate without carrying the weight of unresolved feelings or unsettled relationships. I've learned to turn dissatisfaction into action. It's the 'do-something' attitude, "If something is not right, then do something" and hopefully with a measure of grace whenever I can.
In my thirties, I am finding peace. It's a daily thing, something that takes a little effort on some days than others--a quiet meditation, a pause, a prayer, a plea. But rather than being constantly tossed into the fray, unable to keep my head above water, I sit in the chaos around me and wait. Until, there is quiet. Every morning, in every space, in every chaotic situation and in every reflection, I am learning to find ways to restore the balance and make our lives a little less crazy, a little more peaceful. I don't always get there and sometimes it's a very conscious effort, but it's one that I feel is worth striving for.
Someone once made reference to this quote: "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." And this is advice that I have taken to heart, but perhaps in a more metaphoric way. The message is: simplify. Quality over quantity and this doesn't mean "stuff." Whenever possible, I try to decipher the essential and the beautiful from the superfluous. And this often goes for a jam-packed day. If it's going to be too much/too stressful and it's not necessary, enriching or extraordinarily fun/beautiful, then I might just scrap it. If it is not adding value to my life or the lives of others, I rethink it.
When we were children, a day lasted forever. Sometimes, I still feel that way--in the quiet moments when I watch Gabriel happily reading a book or I feel him cuddled up against me before bed, when my husband and I are in deep discussion over a glass of wine, or I am cuddled up with the dog-- I feel time slow down like when I was a child. I think time can do that: it can seem to stand still when we savor and engage in those moments of value in our lives. And maybe that is the key to staying young.
You might also like:
- Girls' Night Out
- A Day Full of Sunshine, Walks and a Whole Lotta Love.
- To a New Year.
- Transformative Writing.
Any thoughts on your milestone birthday? Leave me a comment below. New comment option:
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